really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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