so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
