oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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