I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
