I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
