I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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