even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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