you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize