For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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