11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
