You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
