My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
