$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
