So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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