My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
