he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
