you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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