hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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