i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
