Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
