Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
