I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
