He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
