i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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