So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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