weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
