yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
