even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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