im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
