Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
