im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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