Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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