Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
