Cold hands, warm shart.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
