last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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