I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
