I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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