Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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