Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
