Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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