When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what day is it and did you see me today?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
