real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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