and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize