Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So many bounce houses so little time
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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