as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
