Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think my vagina is haunted
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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