Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
