This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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