My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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