it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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