I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
