She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
