if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
