You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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