she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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