So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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