my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
