He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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