Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
