I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
