She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
