She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize