Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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