I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
