I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
