i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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