I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
