I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my sisters under your porch take her home
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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