I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How external is "for external use only"?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
