How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize