Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
