Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
