Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
