Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
