Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
