Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
