You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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