i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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