I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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